My Experience as an Au-pair in Italy

Are you curious about what life as an Au-pair in Italy is like? Are you considering becoming Au-pair yourself? If so, you’re in the right place.

If you’re new to my blog, hello! Let me quickly introduce myself. I’m Lacey. A few years ago, I quit my job as a barista and flew to San Gimignano, Italy, where I went to live for 3 months working as an Au-pair and English tutor.

Today I’m a resident of Milan, Italy, and here to supply you with all the detailed highs and lows of the Au-pair life.

Just keep in mind that everyone will have their own unique experience depending on where they go and who they work for, but I can say for myself personally, my Au-pair experience in Italy was obviously life-changing.

The beginning of my journey

In 2017 I had decided, after much hesitation, that in January 2018 I would travel to Italy and try my hand at being an Au-pair. I was fresh out of a very long-term relationship, had just quit my job, and had a little bit of money saved up.

Words can’t describe how ready I was to do something out of my comfort zone, and considering at the time that I had never been to Europe nor had I ever traveled anywhere alone, to say that I was about to break out of my comfort zone was an understatement.

I had found a family to nanny for in Tuscany and we had been in contact for a few months. Everything about my trip was planned and my job was clearly explained and laid out for me.

I would be living in San Gimignano, near Florence, for 3 months and I would be responsible for looking after 2 young girls. I would be provided separate living space and a little car for getting myself and the girls around. With everything planned and ready to go, the next step was getting there.

My first international flight

Saying goodbye to my worried parents at the airport was heart breaking, but I was more than ready to show them that there is a world outside of the United States and that I was more than capable of getting out there and exploring it on my own.

I was so incredibly optimistic when the plane took off! My feelings would soon shift to a heavier more angry energy though, as I would then experience a 3-hour delay in San Fransisco, and the WHOLE duration of the delay, we passengers were stuck on the plane and weren’t allowed to get off. So that added 3 hours to my already 12-hour flight to Europe, making it a 15-hour flight in total.

After we finally got off the ground I was still holding onto a tiny flicker of excitement. I was thinking, “Ok, this isn’t really that bad, let’s get on the next plane in London, and get this over with! Almost there!”… oh my sweet and naive younger self.

Of course, planes don’t wait 3 hours for other connecting planes to arrive. They just go on their scheduled time and leave you teary-eyed in London for the night, exhausted and standing in line for hours.

Long story short, the airline set me up in a hotel for the night and the next morning, I was on a plane headed for Rome.

Touch down in Rome

After a very long journey across the world, I had FINALLY arrived in Italy. I was so tired that I remember feeling a bit like it wasn’t even real.

I snapped out of that dream quickly though when as soon as I walked out of the airport with my bags, an older man approached and “politely” took my suitcase from me, repeating something in Italian over and over.

I immediately went into defense mode and thought surely he was trying the steal my bag. I grabbed it back quickly and gave him a harsh and probably mispronounced “no grazie!”…

I needed to calm down, but I was tired and I really didn’t have the mental capacity. But after two days of flying, no sleep, and two train rides, I finally arrived in Tuscany where all I had to do was wait to be greeted by my host family at the train station.

Of course, in the months prior I had googled the street address of where I would be staying and other things like “What to expect as an Au-pair”.

I studied up on the location as much as I could. I thought, to some extent, that I knew what to expect. Not the case. I was left speechless upon arrival. In the best way.

A warm Tuscan welcome

San Gimignano is an unbelievably beautiful medieval hilltop village with stone towers and a huge ancient wall circling the city.

The buildings are so well preserved that taking a walk through the center really feels like stepping into a portal back through time. If you want to experience pure magic, I highly suggest you add San Gimignano to your travel bucket list.

The surrounding landscape is equally as impressive as the city itself. Once atop the hill that San Gimignano sits on, there are golden and green rolling hills for as far as the eye can see.

Waves of sprawling vineyards are dotted with little stone houses and connected by winding country roads.

Daily life as an Au-pair in San Gimignano

When I finally woke up on my first morning in San Gimignano, I spent the day wandering around, taking in all the sights, smells and sounds.

A few days after arrival, I finally got unpacked and settled into my new environment. I was exhausted and slept a ton in the first three days. Jet lag tried to kill me, but I survived.

Around day 4 I was ready to be a functioning human again. My host family made me feel super comfortable and let me take my time in easing into my new daily routine, which went something like this:

Every weekday morning I would drive to the family’s house and walk the older of the two children to her bus stop. I really cherish those mornings spent teaching her English songs and playing I-spy while we walked down a little country road that ran along vineyards and a small stream.

Once she was off to school I would check in with the mom and see what the plan for the day was. Sometimes I would spend a few hours with the baby or sometimes I would do a few household chores and other times I had the afternoon free to roam about San Gimignano.

One of my favorite things about Italy was (and still is today) the smell of fresh-baked pastries and bread wafting into the streets every morning. The people of San Gimignano were so kind to me and some of them even asked if I could tutor their children in my free time.

It was a great opportunity to put myself out into the community and also make a bit of extra money, not much, but enough for a little weekend spending money. Most of my money was spent on train tickets and pizza.

Two GREAT things about Italy: 1. The train can easily take you almost anywhere and 2. when you order a pizza you pay maybe 6 or 7 euro and you get a WHOLE PIZZA. None of the one slice nonsense. And I promise you…the pizza is good. Even the “bad” pizza is good!

After the oldest girl was finished with school each day, I would watch the girls until their parents got home. Every day I would make them a snack and then keep their minds constantly stimulated with a strict all play and no TV agenda until the sun went down and it was time for dinner.

Cena in Italy

During the evenings, my host family made it clear that I was always welcome to join them for dinner or “cena”, which I almost always did.

One condition though: we would only speak Italian at the dinner table (or at least attempt to). Some nights I was so exhausted by the end of the day, that my brain physically could not function in Italian or even in English.

Being immersed in another culture is exhausting but in the best way possible. Also, most Italians, depending on the region, eat dinner no sooner than 8 pm. This girl was always famished at that point, but waiting for it made the food even tastier.

I learned so much during those dinners together. My Italian improved, I discovered some delicious new-to-me recipes, and most importantly, I gained back something that had felt quite lost on me for some time. Connection.

I don’t know about you, but back home in the US, dinner is typically not a very big deal anymore, like it was when I was younger. Unless there is a special occasion, my family doesn’t even eat at the same time or in the same room most days.

In Italy however, dinner is something to look forward to. Even if it’s just a regular meal on a Monday night, everyone comes together, and every night conversations are had.

Italian families are closer and more involved in each other’s lives.

As I’m writing this, I’m sitting at home in Milan after just having returned from my in-law’s house for dinner, which is something that happens at the very least 3 nights a week.

In Italy, being together each day is a blessing not a chore.

Knowing my value as an Au-pair

Like I mentioned before, each person will have very different experiences depending on the circumstances of their Au-pair gig, so take this with a grain of salt.

If I’m being honest, working as an Au-pair didn’t feel like work at all. Besides sheer joy, the 2nd strongest emotion I often felt was guilt. I felt like simply playing with the kids and picking them up from school was not even close to enough work to deserve such an amazing experience and hospitality. I was thankful when the family asked me if I wanted do a few chores around the house a few times a week.

It took me a while to get past this guilty feeling, but eventually, I accepted that my value as an Au-pair didn’t come in the form of “hard work” per se, as much of my past jobs had.

My value was based on me, just being myself and showing the children my culture and my way of seeing the world. A good Au-pair needs to be vulnerable and open about where they come from and be willing to talk about life back home.

And obviously, it’s also important, if not required, to be open to learning and adapting to your host family’s culture too.

I heart Italians

I was very open to learning about Italian culture. It was easy to be open to it when it was so new and beautiful to me. I loved the way the people dressed, I loved hearing all the different dialects being spoken, I loved how insanely rich in art and history Italy was.

I loved the architecture and food and I loved the passion that was visible in the face, voice, and body language when an Italian was speaking about something important to them.

Seriously, once in a bar, two men were arguing so heatedly that I thought punches were about to be thrown when suddenly both men involved in the excitement suddenly patted each other gently on the shoulder and began speaking normally again as if nothing had happened. I found out they were discussing something car-related.

Now, not all Italians are quick to get heated, I’m not saying that at all. I’m just saying, that from my experience, Italians have so much more emotion when they are speaking and telling stories. It makes Americans sounds a bit like robots in comparison.

Culture shock

I could go on and on about the things I loved. Some days though, it was just too much. Some days my brain was on sensory overload and I would suddenly be closed off to all new experiences and revert to my comfortable worldview.

The people became too much. I was annoyed by all the hand gestures and I just wanted to hear some boring old monotone English! And why on earth did everything have to be UPHILL?! I swear there are no flat streets in San Gimignano.

Some days the culture shock got to me and I just physically could not be around people or drink any more coffee.

Saying good-bye

When my time working as an Au-pair was up, I really didn’t want to go home. I had become so close with my host family and I knew that there was so much of Italy left to explore.

Without a visa, Americans can spend up to 90 days, or 3 months in Italy. I desperately searched for any loophole that allowed me to stay in Italy for longer, but alas. I had to return home to the states.

Reverse culture shock

The single most surprising part of my whole experience didn’t happen in Italy. It happened when I returned home.

Reverse culture shock hit me hard and I did not see it coming. The feeling is hard to explain, so let me put it like this.

You know at the end of the movie “The Wizzard of Oz” when Dorothy finds herself back home in her bed surrounded by her family? That’s the part that relates to reverse culture shock, but not because of the warm and fuzzy “I’m finally home” feelings.

No, it was actually because everything that was so magical and colorful and whimsical and new and shiny about the Land of Oz, suddenly turns into an unchanged grey, flat, and familiar world.

It’s feeling like your life has completely changed forever. You’ve met so many new people, tasted so many new tastes and your brain is filled to the brim with memories and feelings you’ll feel forever.

But when you step off the plane, everything you’ve just experienced has to be tucked away under the rug in order to fit back into the same space you fit into before you left home. But you just don’t fit anymore and you never will again.

I remember crying randomly for about a week. I would lay my head on my mom’s lap and weep because “I miss Italy so much”. Of course, falling in love while I was there, made returning home extremely difficult.

But eventually, after about two weeks, the clouds parted. Sure, I still felt a bit lost but I was at least clear-headed enough to appreciate all the little things I loved about my home in Oregon and truly enjoy being back with family and loved ones again.

In time, I would come to appreciate home that much more after being away from it for a bit.

In some ways, there truly is no place like home, but in order to truly understand this, you’ve got to follow the yellow brick road. I’m laughing at how cliche I sound right now, but it’s the truth.

Final thoughts

All in all, my Au-pair experience was incredible. It was worth every penny saved and every sleepless night of planning and preparing. It was also worth every relationship lost through my decision to leave home because ultimately I ended up gaining stronger ones.

While in Italy I made meaningful life-long connections with people and I discovered parts of myself that I didn’t know existed. I like to think that I made a positive impact on the two girls I took care of too.

Today, the family that I had worked for in San Gimignano, are some of the most important people in my life.

Every challenging experience I face while traveling, taught me something important. Whether I realized it at the moment or not, I was constantly learning.

My experience as an Au-pair was exactly what I needed to eventually find myself where I am today! Like Elisabetta, my host mom has always said, “There are no coincidences in life.”

I hope you find what you need as well, and I hope you gained something from this post!

If you have any questions about Au-pairing, you can always reach out to me!

I would be happy to help you in anyway I can.